Star Wars--The Last Jedi--My Review
Since I’m usually the last person
in our family to get a chance to use the computer, Mommy and Daddy said I could
go ahead and do the review for the latest Star Wars movie.
My sister Ippi’s first movie was The Force Awakens, so it seemed only appropriate that I make this into an official tradition.
From what I understand, there have been a lot of Star Wars movies. Some of them were made before Mommy was even born. None of them were made before Daddy was born. In fact, I’m not sure they even had movies when he was my age.
Now that there are so many Star Wars movies, they’re called episodes. By listening in on conversations and catching glimpses of each film, I’ve been able to piece together the basic idea of each episode.
Episode 1—The Phantom Menace
This is the story of Kid Vader and something called Jar-Jar Binks (which I’m guessing is some kind of pacifier). At the end, Mommy-1 Kenobi goes to the Maul—or something like that.
Episode 2—Attack of the Clones
Vader grows up and doesn’t want to play in the sand anymore. He definitely doesn’t like sand. He falls in love with Mama-Dolly and after they fight some monsters, they get married.
Episode 3—Revenge of the Sith
Vader gets mad at Mommy-1 Kenobi. They fight and fight until Vader gets a new suit and joins the grouch side.
Episode 4—A New Hope
A farm boy named Luke makes some friends and they pop a giant balloon.
Episode 5—The Empire Strikes Back
[The best one.]
Daddy, you said I could do the review.
[You can—I’m just making sure that you mention that this is the best of all the Star Wars movies.]
Ippi said you might do this.
[I’m just helping you understand the difference between good films and great films.]
Thanks.
[I’ll be in the other room if you have any questions.]
Anyway, this movie is—
[Yes?]
I was just continuing on with the review.
[All right—I’m right in here.]
Anyway, at the beginning the movie is really cold. Then Luke goes to a soggy planet and makes a new friend named Yoda the Hutt. The end of the movie is a real shocker. Luke finds out that Vader is actually—
[—his father! Can you believe it?! I mean when we all first saw that movie back in 1980, it was such an incredible shock. We were all like, Whoa! It was one of the most profound moments in cinematic history!]
I was actually going to say that Luke finds out that Vader is actually way grumpier than everyone thought.
[True enough. Okay then. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in here]
At the end of the movie, Handsome Solo became an ice cube and Luke fell down the drain.
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi
[The best one.]
Mom?
[I overheard your father and I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you—Return of the Jedi is the best one.]
But I didn’t say that.
[I’m just supporting your decision once you’ve decided it is the best one.]
[What are you two talking about?]
[Oh, you know—Star Wars.]
[You told her that Return of the Jedi is the best one, didn’t you?]
[And you told her that Empire Strikes Back is the best one]
Mommy and Daddy?
[Yes?]
[Yes?]
There’s one way you could find out which is the best. You could go in the other room and re-watch both of them.
[Good idea.]
[We’ll be in here if you need us.]
In Return of the Jedi, Luke and his friends melt Handsome Solo, fight Jar-Jar the Hutt and go to the Planet of the Care Bears. Luke saves his grouchy father from the King of the Grouches. Luke and his friends pop a bigger balloon and they dance with the little bears.
Episode 7: The Force Awakens
My sister Ippi told me about this one.
[What’re you doin?]
I’m doing a review about The Last Jedi—my first movie. But right now I’m telling them about your first movie.
[Mommy and Daddy just turned off Sofia the First and started watching Empire Strikes Back. Why are they watching Empire Strikes Back?]
That’s a great question. You should go in there and find out.
[Don’t forget to tell them about my favorite part.]
Which part is that?
[The popcorn.]
Got it.
So in The Force Awakens, there’s some popcorn. Handsome Solo falls down a drain. Then a girl and an action figure pop an even bigger balloon.
Episode 8: The Last Jedi
[I have some strong opinions about this movie.]
[So do I.]
[Do we have any popcorn?]
So what’s happening in the movie playing in the other room?
Anyway, this most recent Star Wars movie is about how this girl goes to school on an island. Old Luke is her teacher. He gives her lessons on how to be depressing.
Meanwhile, the action figure and his friends are being chased by Miley Ren. To save the day, the action figure goes to Las Vegas. An old princess swims through outer space. Old Luke and Miley Ren fight while the girl and the action figure follow some cats out the back door. Then Old Luke does some yoga.
It was a pretty good movie. I have to admit I slept through most of it, but I had a wonderful time. I can’t wait until Episode 9. It makes you wonder who will be doing that review.
[Say what?]
[What did she say?]
[Pass the popcorn, please]
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