INTERVIEW: Daddy and Certain Questions of Comfort

Hi, I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my blog lately. I’ve been pretty busy. Eating, sleeping, and diaper duty (go for the pun if you want) have taken up a lot of my time, but something happened recently that I wanted to address. This led to an interview of my daddy.

Nancy:            Daddy.

Daddy:            Hm.

Nancy:            Daddy.

Daddy:            Hm?

Nancy:            Do you have a second?

Daddy:            Sure.

Nancy:            I wanted to ask you a few questions

Daddy:            What’s the notebook and pen for?

Nancy:             This will sort of be like an interview.

Daddy:            You want me to interview you?

Nancy:            No, I was thinking I would interview you.

Daddy:            Oh really?

Nancy:            It won’t take long.

Daddy:            I’m curious. Go ahead.

Nancy:            Could you state your name, please?

Daddy:            Daddy.

Nancy:            And how long have been my Daddy?

Daddy:            Several months now.

Nancy:            I see.

Daddy:            Do you need help with the spelling?

Nancy:            No thank you. I can manage.

Daddy:            Do you want me to help you with the pen?

Nancy:            This is working fine.

Daddy:            But if you guide the pen with your mouth, how can you ask questions?

Nancy:            It makes me look thoughtful.

Daddy:            Got it.

Nancy:            Now, being my daddy, isn’t it true that you work with Mommy as far as making decisions about me?

Daddy:            That is true.

Nancy:            And isn’t it also true that many of decisions don’t involve my input?

Daddy:            That is also true.

Nancy:            Now, these decisions that you and Mommy make—whoops.

Daddy:            What’s wrong?

Nancy:            The drool is making the pen slide around.

Daddy:            Let me get you a dry pen.

Nancy:            I would appreciate that.

Daddy:            Here you go.

Nancy:            Thank you.

Daddy:            You’re welcome.

Nancy:            Now, these decisions that you and Mommy make often result in situations that are inconvenient to me, even to the point of making me uncomfortable.

Daddy:            What do you mean?

Nancy:            Slide please

Nancy:            Do you know what this is?

Daddy:            Where did you get the slides?

Nancy:            If you don’t mind, could you please just answer the question?

Daddy:            That’s your car seat.

Nancy:            Slide please

Nancy:            Doesn’t this look inconvenient and uncomfortable?

Daddy:            Seriously, where did you get the slides?

Nancy:            Ahem.

Daddy:            Okay, yes. That does look inconvenient and uncomfortable. Did Mommy help you with this?

Nancy:            Notice the way the straps hold me down firmly. Wouldn’t you agree that there’s not much wiggle room?

Daddy:            I agree. There is not much wiggle room

Nancy:            Slide please.

Nancy:            This is me feeling relaxed and comfortable.

Daddy:            You look very comfy.

Nancy:            Slide please.

Nancy:            This is my happy face. When I’m comfy, I’m happy. See how cute I am?

Daddy:            Very cute.

Nancy:            Slide please.

Nancy:            This is my not happy face. This happens when I’m not comfy.

Daddy:            But you still look cute.

Nancy:            Never mind that.

Daddy:            In fact you look cuter with that lip sticking out. It’s kind of hilarious!

Nancy:            Daddy.

Daddy:            (chuckling)

Nancy:            Daddy.

Daddy:            (laughing)

Nancy:            I can wait.

Daddy:            Sorry. So are we done? I need to—

Nancy:            Slide please.

Nancy:            Now—even though this arrangement does not make me comfortable, you and Mommy still make me sit in this contraption. Can you please explain why?

Daddy:            Well, you see, Nancy. It’s because we love you. The car seat keeps you safe. It might be kind of annoying to you, but it protects you. That’s why.

Nancy:            Because you love me.

Daddy:            Yes. I’m glad you understand.

Nancy:            Oh, I completely understand. Slide please.

Nancy:            Do you know what this is?

Daddy:            Um, my bicycle.

Nancy:            And do you ride this bicycle?

Daddy:            Sure.

Nancy:            Did you ride this bicycle two weeks ago?

Daddy:            Um, yes.

Nancy:            Could you please describe what happened?

Daddy:            You know what happened.

Nancy:            For the record.

Daddy:            Well, I wrecked.

Nancy:            A little more detail please.

Daddy:            I hit the curb and flew off.

Nancy:            Were you injured?

Daddy:            Yes.

Nancy:            A little more detail please.

Daddy:            I landed on my shoulder and hit my head.

Nancy:            And we ended up taking you to the ER and you got a CAT scan, right?

Daddy:            Yes, and I’m very grateful that I was not seriously hurt.

Nancy:            But you looked pretty bad. I have a slide.

Daddy:            Please don’t show that slide. It’s kind of gross.

Nancy:            Fair enough. So, Daddy, can I ask you something?

Daddy:            Of course.

Nancy:            Were you wearing a helmet?

Daddy:            Next question.

Nancy:            Were you wearing a helmet?

Daddy:            Did I hear your mother calling?

Nancy:            Daddy. Were. You. Wearing. A. Helmet?

Daddy:            No I was not.

Nancy:            Why?

Daddy:            Because helmets are so inconvenient and uncom…

Nancy:            I’m sorry? Could you repeat that? You faded off at the end.

Daddy:            Because helmets are so inconvenient and uncomfortable. I see what you did there.

Nancy:            I have just a few more questions.

Daddy:            Hold on. Hold on. You’ve got to understand. I grew up in a time when we hardly ever wore seatbelts. Playgrounds had this thing called a merry-go-round and let me tell you, if you got going fast enough, it would fling off your freckles!

Nancy:            Daddy.

Daddy:            Yeah?

Nancy:            I love you.

Daddy:            I love you too.

Nancy:            So would you do me a favor?

Daddy:            Anything.

Nancy:            When you get your bicycle repaired would you please start wearing a helmet?

Daddy:            I will.

Nancy:            Thank you.

Daddy:            Can I get a cool one?

Nancy:            Not too cool. Eventually I will be riding bikes with you. There are other ways of making me uncomfortable.

Daddy:            I understand.

Nancy:            Slide please.